Tho it's late.

Helloo February, Welcome to the month of love and heartbreak♥ x

Things are harsh now and I hardly can breath. It's been so long since I've logged in to my blog-blame all the homeworks,R & D and the short Lunar New Year break. There's so much to tell, so much to share. I really wonder if I am able to split it all out in one day time. How am I? Not really good, but good enough for me to be an actress. I am very confident that I can win all the actress out there. My masks are out of service and beyond mending. I've been very stress since January and when it comes to February, hell it comes the heartbreak and tears flowing moment. Yea damn February, to tell the truth I've never like February. Regarding about my relationship with J, I used to be so confuse that I am more confuse than a chameleon getting lost in a bag of skittles. I was having the worst feeling ever which is not knowing whether I should wait or just give up months ago. We were both trapped in such awkward condition that there were perfect zero conversation between us for two months. He gave me hope, he gave me despair. It's tough when someone special starts to ignore you, it's even tougher to pretend that you don't give a damn.You know what, I always believe this-When you are up, your friends know who you are. When you are down, you know who your friends are. I was really shocked at first to know the truth that I had been praying it's not true, simply because I can't believe she would lie to me. I know in my heart it's a white lie they are telling because they don't wanna hurt me; but I'm still angry because they should have told me earlier before I fell deep! Thanks to Yvonne, I was living in a dream, until reality decided to wake me up again with a good old slap on my face. So I finally gave up, wiped the fake smile off my face. A tear rolled down on my cheek, and I whispered to myself:'' I just can't do this anymore.'' Sometimes no matter how much you want someone, no matter how much you love them, no matter how desperate you are for them, sometimes you can't be with them. Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not to be together. I believe what is meant to be will find it's way. Thus, this is the way it showed to me. Yes I am strong when I wanna be but trust me, one day I will stop being strong, break down and cry and show my true colors. If you wanna witness it, now it's the perfect time for you. All I need now is time, to heal. I know-sometimes the best memory is sad because I know by my heart it will never happen the same way again.

In the end, what breaks you down, makes you better.

p/s: J, this is my heartbreak definition: When you fall in love with your best friend, and all you want is them, and all they want is someone else.

I've never regret shedding tears and falling in love with you because you worthed it all. In fact, I should thank you for making me a more mature girl. You taught me a great life lesson.

And also, thanks for being friends again and not making everything awkward :']